The New Birth is not just a theological concept. It is a spiritual rebirth in that the Holy Spirit of Christ replaces the dead spirit (old sin nature) making us One with Christ Jesus.
This only happens when we knowingly and willfully believe the Truth about Christ Jesus and then earnestly reject the old sin nature (repent).
The baptism with the Holy Spirit is often called a second work of Grace but it is not intended to be so (see Cornelius). The baptism occurs when our soul and body is truly dominated by our new Spirit.
To be baptized in the Holy Spirit is a critical aspect of offering our bodies as a living sacrifice.
Most Christian's never submit their bodies and so most Christian's are never baptized with the Holy Spirit.
An unfortunate thing in the charismatic ranks is that they fail to understand that the baptism is primarily for the purpose of empowering our testimony of Christ and our performing the works of Christ Jesus.
Speaking in tongues became the end all. It is not but it is precious and powerful. Those who do not speak in tongues miss out on a connection with their Lord that nothing else can replace.
Don't believe doctrine based on opinion or tradition. Believe the Word, submit your body and be baptized in the Holy Spirit of Christ Jesus.
My mom never spoke in tongues but she wanted to.
I believe it boils down to submission of one's speech center and the larynx and tongue.
If you can't or won't disconnect the speech center from your larynx and tongue, the Holy Spirit cannot speak through you.
At the carnal level such a disconnection makes no sense.
If you watch a baby that cannot speak words, they will still make sounds. Why? Because they want to communicate with their mother. They are not embarrassed and they are not self-conscious. They are simply in love with their mom.
Just meditate on the Lord until you are overwhelmed by His love and then open your mouth to express that love which words cannot. You will speak to Him in His language - the language of the Spirit.