Are you in a personal relationship with Christ Jesus or just His bond-servant?
When you are in love with someone your motivation is totally different than that of a master-servant one.
You cannot represent your Master correctly or effectively if you are forced to represent Him.
The Kingdom would be better off without such servants representing it.
Jesus commanded His disciples to defer serving Him until they were filled with His Spirit .
If you are not Spirit Filled you are undoubtedly misrepresenting Jesus who is the express image of His Holy Spirit Father.
It is not by might, nor by power, but by my Spirit saith the Lord Of Hosts - Jesus